I often thought that I could think back to a few days before and accurately recall everything I felt then. But for some reason or the other, I was not able to do that.
Yesterday, a thought hit me that life is CSG - Context Sensitive Grammar - and what happened later changes the entire meaning of what happened before, and all we can recall are "meanings" ...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Sunday, July 12, 2009
A new beginning
I thought I was addicted to the important and the interesting, but in reality, I was addicted to Ibuprofen!
Unbelievable !!!
Consuming 600 mg of Ibuprofen per day kept me excited - in all senses of the word. Not taking ibuprofen made me feel depressed, gave me headaches and tiredness.
I have thrown all the pills away, and experienced serious mood swings. Now, hopefully, everything is fine. Let us see how the next week goes.
I had a minor headache - non-stop - for 3 days in a row - but it never progressed to much. If it were a real headache, then I would have progressed into serious bouts of nausea and exhaustions. So, that is the proof that it was ibuprofen related.
Unbelievable !!!
Consuming 600 mg of Ibuprofen per day kept me excited - in all senses of the word. Not taking ibuprofen made me feel depressed, gave me headaches and tiredness.
I have thrown all the pills away, and experienced serious mood swings. Now, hopefully, everything is fine. Let us see how the next week goes.
I had a minor headache - non-stop - for 3 days in a row - but it never progressed to much. If it were a real headache, then I would have progressed into serious bouts of nausea and exhaustions. So, that is the proof that it was ibuprofen related.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Plan for today - July 7
Ok, it is morning of July 7. I have to do a few things today. First is to read up the paper I will have to present at 6 pm in the journal club.
Second is to actually go to work and leave by 5 pm to go to UCLA. that in itself will be a big accomplishment. In the end, I will mount the brain slices from yesterday and come home. This means that I will be skipping going to the chess club.
So be it.
Second is to actually go to work and leave by 5 pm to go to UCLA. that in itself will be a big accomplishment. In the end, I will mount the brain slices from yesterday and come home. This means that I will be skipping going to the chess club.
So be it.
Darshit's in Hospital
I woke up today to the news that Darshit is hospitalized! He took ill on the night of his birthday - he fell unconscious with the pain due to his kidney stone. Doctor says that they will monitor him for a fortnight and take a decision on whether a surgery is needed - we will be doing a non-invasive procedure.
But still, I am shocked ... .Darshit fell unconscious! He is in hospital!
But still, I am shocked ... .Darshit fell unconscious! He is in hospital!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Afternoon entry
My earlier afternoon entry got deleted ... so here is a new one.
I am feeling very sleepy. Need to wash my face and bring back focus. I am almost there - I have identified the piece of code that is creating all the useless junk. I have been successful at manipulating the img_assist modules to suit me. But not completely. There are still some glitches. ANd I am not entirely clear on the path forward.
So, I am goign to take a small bathroom break.
I still have to go UCLA in the evening.
I am feeling very sleepy. Need to wash my face and bring back focus. I am almost there - I have identified the piece of code that is creating all the useless junk. I have been successful at manipulating the img_assist modules to suit me. But not completely. There are still some glitches. ANd I am not entirely clear on the path forward.
So, I am goign to take a small bathroom break.
I still have to go UCLA in the evening.
Entry for July 6 Morning
I woke up today, and was glad that I remembered that I wanted to bring focus to my life. Will writing blog posts every few hours in a day help keep focus? Who knows? But I want to try doing it.
Today is Darshit's birthday. I talked to him in the morning, and I will be talking again to him a bit later in the day.
Most important things in life;
1. Health - this means exercise and diet.
2. Self-esteem - this means doing a lot of things in the short term - including keeping up one's words and commitments; it also means engaging in challenging tasks and meeting the challenges.
3. Meaning - To do something that somehow means something to you. For me, it is circadianbase, I think or I hope.
4. Joy - Have fun in life.
5. Peace - Be at peace with yourself and those around you - this really means not getting angry or irritated.
6. Direction - this really means that there is a long term direction to your life and you are doing everything towards it. Eventually, you will get there, but the life while you are getting there is as important as getting there. So, I have 1 to 6 as higher priorities than 6.
.............................................
Plan for today:
1. Help Andy with forum editor.
2. Help Takashi with immuno-positive cells.
3. Prepare for journal club tomorrow.
4. Talk to Vardhan regarding my tax
5. Blog at noon, 3pm, 6 pm and 9pm so that I am in touch with what I want to do today.
........................................
Today is Darshit's birthday. I talked to him in the morning, and I will be talking again to him a bit later in the day.
Most important things in life;
1. Health - this means exercise and diet.
2. Self-esteem - this means doing a lot of things in the short term - including keeping up one's words and commitments; it also means engaging in challenging tasks and meeting the challenges.
3. Meaning - To do something that somehow means something to you. For me, it is circadianbase, I think or I hope.
4. Joy - Have fun in life.
5. Peace - Be at peace with yourself and those around you - this really means not getting angry or irritated.
6. Direction - this really means that there is a long term direction to your life and you are doing everything towards it. Eventually, you will get there, but the life while you are getting there is as important as getting there. So, I have 1 to 6 as higher priorities than 6.
.............................................
Plan for today:
1. Help Andy with forum editor.
2. Help Takashi with immuno-positive cells.
3. Prepare for journal club tomorrow.
4. Talk to Vardhan regarding my tax
5. Blog at noon, 3pm, 6 pm and 9pm so that I am in touch with what I want to do today.
........................................
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Vision for steady state
Once upon a time, in my life, I had a chance to declare that I am retired and free to do anything. That is when I decided that I wanted to do biological research. Of course, doing a Ph.D. in biology was the most logical way of doing it.
In the meantime, my fortunes changed and I was no longer retired. Nonetheless, I knew the path I wanted to take, so I became a full time researcher, in spite of not having the financial luxury.
Today, I do not have a Ph.D. In fact, the degree stopped being important a while ago. I started viewing getting a degree a big hassle, considering the amount of slavery you have to put it. Yet, given financial independence, I will still choose doing research.
So, only recently, it started dawning on me that what I wanted was NOT a Ph.D. but "something to do with biological reserach". What I enjoyed about doing research - I wanted to retain. What I didn't like, I wanted to leave.
So, what do I like about doing research?
1. Given a choice between exploring a brand new system and a well-studied system, I will pick a well-studied system. For instance, I will pick up cancer or immunology over a brand new question like finding the tickle gene.
2. I like to study a system as opposed to going wherever a gene takes you - for instance, I will rather study the tickling system rather than study a "tick gene", and all the non-tickling pleiotropic effect that tick gene has.
3. I like to read a lot of literature and come up with testable hypotheses - well designed experiments that in the light of my hypothesis, seem simple to carry out and makes one wonder why they were never done in the first place. Such experiments, ideally, could have been carried out 5 years ago. These experiments distinguish between two possibilities - and yield a good result either way the experiment goes.
4. I like to do something in the lab - such as routine fly work or molecular biology or whatever. I do not like the pressure. I would rather learn one technique and do it really well, day after day, instead of just learning a million things poorly and trying to do them all.
5. I like to discuss ideas, both evaluating someone else's idea for consistency and submitting mine for the same check. So, in other words, I like authoring papers and reviewing them. I like writing grants and reviewing them.
THINGS I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT RESEARCH
1. I do not like that you have to Beg. I do not like writing grants with the aim of begging for money. So, I can help someone else with grant-writing, but I do not like grant-writing as a way of earning a living. I mean, if I were creating a tangible product such as an incubator, then its utility is clearly obvious to everyone, but a research on fruitfly's sleep wake cycle really doesn't seem to be worth millions of dollars to me.
2. I do not like spending 8-12 hrs a day on biological research - it seems too much. Life has other promising things that I would like to enjoy and it seemed to me that I had missed on a lot of things. I can spend, if necessary, at most 4 hrs a day, occasionally ...
3. I do not like the fact that in biology research, you have to do politics. It seems downright dirty to me. Ass-kissing, exchanging favors, etc. are beyond me. I like to be upfront about the value I am bringing to the table and the exchange of values needs to be fair, as agreed explicitly by all the parties.
................................
Based on all this analysis, I am inclined towards creating a resource exclusively for postdocs and grad students in the field of circadian rhythms that makes their lives easier. I will call it circadianbase - it will contain information about software and tutorials on how to use them; it will have a general overview of circadian rhythms and detailed discussion about every single aspect of rhythms, so that it is the latest review on the topic.
My ideal life would be to wake up in the morning ,spend 2 hours reading literature on circadian rhythms, then posting something on circadianbase and attending to various comments, emails, posts on circadianbase. I would lead my rest of the day any way I please (may be playing chess, volunteering in a rhythm lab for a few hours, etc.) and at the end of the day, I would go back to circadianbase and respond to various messages.
So, how am I making money? I will NOT be actively earning money. I would have retired and making steady income from my investments. I may be taking up odd software jobs to help people or causes that I care about. But, essentially, all my work would be for my pleasure.
So, in steady state, we will be having our own home and I will have a personal income of $4000 per month from investments - by the way of rents, interests etc.
This is the first time in my life that I have had such a clear vision of what I want my retired life to be. The funny thing is, if I have a software job in los angeles and work for 8 hrs doing it, then I am actually very close to achieving my "retired life" version right now, except that i would be working my ass off while doing software job. So, for the next few years, I will be working as a software engineer to make money. That much is clear to me now.
2.
In the meantime, my fortunes changed and I was no longer retired. Nonetheless, I knew the path I wanted to take, so I became a full time researcher, in spite of not having the financial luxury.
Today, I do not have a Ph.D. In fact, the degree stopped being important a while ago. I started viewing getting a degree a big hassle, considering the amount of slavery you have to put it. Yet, given financial independence, I will still choose doing research.
So, only recently, it started dawning on me that what I wanted was NOT a Ph.D. but "something to do with biological reserach". What I enjoyed about doing research - I wanted to retain. What I didn't like, I wanted to leave.
So, what do I like about doing research?
1. Given a choice between exploring a brand new system and a well-studied system, I will pick a well-studied system. For instance, I will pick up cancer or immunology over a brand new question like finding the tickle gene.
2. I like to study a system as opposed to going wherever a gene takes you - for instance, I will rather study the tickling system rather than study a "tick gene", and all the non-tickling pleiotropic effect that tick gene has.
3. I like to read a lot of literature and come up with testable hypotheses - well designed experiments that in the light of my hypothesis, seem simple to carry out and makes one wonder why they were never done in the first place. Such experiments, ideally, could have been carried out 5 years ago. These experiments distinguish between two possibilities - and yield a good result either way the experiment goes.
4. I like to do something in the lab - such as routine fly work or molecular biology or whatever. I do not like the pressure. I would rather learn one technique and do it really well, day after day, instead of just learning a million things poorly and trying to do them all.
5. I like to discuss ideas, both evaluating someone else's idea for consistency and submitting mine for the same check. So, in other words, I like authoring papers and reviewing them. I like writing grants and reviewing them.
THINGS I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT RESEARCH
1. I do not like that you have to Beg. I do not like writing grants with the aim of begging for money. So, I can help someone else with grant-writing, but I do not like grant-writing as a way of earning a living. I mean, if I were creating a tangible product such as an incubator, then its utility is clearly obvious to everyone, but a research on fruitfly's sleep wake cycle really doesn't seem to be worth millions of dollars to me.
2. I do not like spending 8-12 hrs a day on biological research - it seems too much. Life has other promising things that I would like to enjoy and it seemed to me that I had missed on a lot of things. I can spend, if necessary, at most 4 hrs a day, occasionally ...
3. I do not like the fact that in biology research, you have to do politics. It seems downright dirty to me. Ass-kissing, exchanging favors, etc. are beyond me. I like to be upfront about the value I am bringing to the table and the exchange of values needs to be fair, as agreed explicitly by all the parties.
................................
Based on all this analysis, I am inclined towards creating a resource exclusively for postdocs and grad students in the field of circadian rhythms that makes their lives easier. I will call it circadianbase - it will contain information about software and tutorials on how to use them; it will have a general overview of circadian rhythms and detailed discussion about every single aspect of rhythms, so that it is the latest review on the topic.
My ideal life would be to wake up in the morning ,spend 2 hours reading literature on circadian rhythms, then posting something on circadianbase and attending to various comments, emails, posts on circadianbase. I would lead my rest of the day any way I please (may be playing chess, volunteering in a rhythm lab for a few hours, etc.) and at the end of the day, I would go back to circadianbase and respond to various messages.
So, how am I making money? I will NOT be actively earning money. I would have retired and making steady income from my investments. I may be taking up odd software jobs to help people or causes that I care about. But, essentially, all my work would be for my pleasure.
So, in steady state, we will be having our own home and I will have a personal income of $4000 per month from investments - by the way of rents, interests etc.
This is the first time in my life that I have had such a clear vision of what I want my retired life to be. The funny thing is, if I have a software job in los angeles and work for 8 hrs doing it, then I am actually very close to achieving my "retired life" version right now, except that i would be working my ass off while doing software job. So, for the next few years, I will be working as a software engineer to make money. That much is clear to me now.
2.
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